Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize