respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
