Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
