oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
