She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
