Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
