I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
