Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
