This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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