Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Everything about him screamed your future.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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