Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize