You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
