Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...