i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?