Texts From Last Night

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  (276): View more from Virginia

  Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.

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  (276): Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while. http://tfl.nu/zglk
  Replies (3) Good night (955) Bad night (1339)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I'm in awe of how selfish that is.

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  (519): Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking. (1-519): I'm in awe of how selfish that is. http://tfl.nu/dlh3
  Replies (10) Good night (3732) Bad night (1672)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.

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  (202): That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence. http://tfl.nu/ugku
  Replies (6) Good night (2321) Bad night (1254)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?

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  (410): Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version? http://tfl.nu/niwx
  Replies (6) Good night (3227) Bad night (1297)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!

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  (617): Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood! http://tfl.nu/rv6i
  Replies (3) Good night (2105) Bad night (951)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.

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  (224): i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing. http://tfl.nu/a3ha
  Replies (5) Good night (550) Bad night (1152)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Was I asleep on the ride home?

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.

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  (512): Was I asleep on the ride home? (1-512): Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq2f
  Replies (4) Good night (790) Bad night (523)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.

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  (636): Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that. http://tfl.nu/6860
  Replies (14) Good night (526) Bad night (1779)
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  (315): View more from New York

  She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her

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  (315): She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her http://tfl.nu/g7bc
  Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (440)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.

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  (847): Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken. http://tfl.nu/xu0v
  Replies (3) Good night (595) Bad night (343)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING

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  (320): I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING http://tfl.nu/fcp6
  Replies (14) Good night (1786) Bad night (447)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  ...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.

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  (505): wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days. (505): ...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it. http://tfl.nu/p1xm
  Replies (3) Good night (716) Bad night (500)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.

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  (915): He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time. http://tfl.nu/i5m8
  Replies (2) Good night (323) Bad night (592)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.

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  (208): Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked. http://tfl.nu/tzyh
  Replies (1) Good night (804) Bad night (243)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?

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  (480): Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds? http://tfl.nu/pa31
  Replies (2) Good night (649) Bad night (181)

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