Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."