Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um

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(415): Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um http://tfl.nu/bp62

Replies (8) Good night (628) Bad night (1585)
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(802): View more from Vermont

He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.

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(802): He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR. http://tfl.nu/1otj

Replies (40) Good night (4205) Bad night (690)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.

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(617): Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning. http://tfl.nu/86da

Replies (5) Good night (3183) Bad night (758)
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(970): View more from Colorado

If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

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(970): If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time. http://tfl.nu/fjy0

Replies (19) Good night (4561) Bad night (2041)
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(443): View more from Maryland

And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks

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(443): And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks http://tfl.nu/r3ru

Replies (5) Good night (1639) Bad night (1361)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party

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(507): Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party http://tfl.nu/rmdq

Replies (3) Good night (985) Bad night (2246)
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(708): View more from Illinois

BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK

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(708): BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK http://tfl.nu/o0os

Replies (9) Good night (2991) Bad night (967)
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(806): View more from Texas

You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.

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(806): You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard. http://tfl.nu/t4z0

Replies (6) Good night (2460) Bad night (822)
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(253): View more from Washington

Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.

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(253): Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know. http://tfl.nu/n76e

Replies (6) Good night (626) Bad night (1388)
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(269): View more from Michigan

They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.

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(269): They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth. http://tfl.nu/6jfd

Replies (10) Good night (444) Bad night (1434)
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(440): View more from Ohio

I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.

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(440): I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape. http://tfl.nu/tyij

Replies (2) Good night (578) Bad night (291)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck

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(306): woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck http://tfl.nu/v8nv

Replies (3) Good night (437) Bad night (318)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I need more social interactions that don't involve sex

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(781): I need more social interactions that don't involve sex http://tfl.nu/p006

Replies (3) Good night (475) Bad night (347)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?

(1-507): View more from Minnesota

Fuck you, my tits are fabulous

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(507): Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch? (1-507): Fuck you, my tits are fabulous http://tfl.nu/jvov

Replies (4) Good night (1057) Bad night (283)
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(801): View more from Utah

My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.

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(801): My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use. http://tfl.nu/q2pv

Replies (0) Good night (502) Bad night (272)

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