i jhust puked up my retainher.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
