hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?