dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.