he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
