She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
