im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
