You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
