Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize