You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize