My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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