hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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