I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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