I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
