On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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