sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
