Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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