my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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