Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
