I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
