Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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