I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
