So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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