my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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