i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
