And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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