Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
