chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize