I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My vagina just recognized that song.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
