Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
