Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize