You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
