I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
