Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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