oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
