you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
