I want you more than these girls want KFC
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
