Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
