I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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