I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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