I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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