His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
