Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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