Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
