I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
