apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We have started to decorate penises.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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