She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
