On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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