The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
