Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
