A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
