Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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