Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
