I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
