You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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