Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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