i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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