Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
