if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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