I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
