I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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