I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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