yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
