I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
