ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
