it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
