mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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