i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
